Sometimes in life, ok many times in life, we go through situations and circumstances that we don't always fully understand. I know God always has a plan and He holds each of my family members in His hand. He is God, of course and He is sovereign. To some, accepting God is in control of everything does not always come easy. To me, it is a comfort. It's a comfort to know God creates all things, he holds all things in the palm of his hand but He also takes away, allows trials and pain. Through it all He never leaves us or forsakes us. He wraps his arms around us and holds us closer than ever before.
Eric and I traveled a road this past week that had never been traveled by us before. It was very painful and hard. On Wednesday last week we had a positive pregnancy test! Shocker, I know! Surprise! We weren't even sure what to do with that news. We kept to ourselves that night as we barely slept talking over what all was in store. Wow! Another baby! Really? At our age? Ok, we aren't that old but still! There was laughter and there were tears.
I couldn't remember too many symptoms with my past two children but I was pretty sure cramping wasn't one of them but as I read a little I saw it could be normal. I was also spotting a little too. By the next morning I was very worried and so I told my mom who had seen a GYN earlier and recommended her. I called and was able to get in Friday. I couldn't figure out if something was truly going wrong or if it was my nerves!! I was so nervous and anxious!! It seem Friday would never come. And then it came too fast. The doctor's words, "a highly likely abnormal pregnancy. We can't seem to find the baby on the ultrasound." It could be ectopic or possible uterine miscarriage. Our hearts sank. It seemed we barely had enough time to soak in what was going on. It became more painful and more bleeding as the day went on. Saturday night I was in the ER with severe pain. For those few who knew and were praying, God was there. Thankfully, I did not have an ectopic but was in the midst of a miscarriage. With not having much time to wrap our minds around the word "baby", it was my life that was of most worry. I felt sorry for Eric, mom, dad, and the kids as I knew they were worried and concerned. I was in good hands though. The doctor was wonderful and God was carrying me every step. I had told the Lord, no matter, no matter, I love you. His peace has been overwhelming. We must know God has His best for us and for this one who will never blossom here on earth but is blossoming in heaven. Many of you, I know, have been through this and can understand. Now I too, can understand and I tell myself and trust God that all things...ALL things work together for the good of those who love Him. Oh how I love Him!
In the ER with you, praying, I felt the most wonderful peace come over me and in that room. God was there. He is in control of our lives and I am so thankful He is there throug the good and bad. I love you.
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