Tickled Pink

I’m sitting at my kitchen table this morning after studying. It’s quiet here and so my thoughts wander to my family, scattered about today.  My daughter is on a 8^th grade field trip today, my son at school participating in field day, my husband at work, and the rest of my immediate family is thousands of miles away in Africa.  In this quiet moment, it sure feels lonely. This takes my thoughts to my studying today.  A question was posed, what have your circumstances taught you?

To me, in a lonely place, to which I have found myself more often than not these past weeks, my circumstances have brought a new light to Philippians 4:11. Paul says “for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”  I know Paul’s situation involved many aspects but I know one of them was loneliness.  Chained in prison, he was longing for word from his beloved Philippian believers and friends.

 If I chose to dwell on my loneliness, and my mind became clouded with such feelings as self-pity or despondency, I could easily miss an opportunity God had for me. It could be in that very moment when this cloud of thoughts overtook me that God had planned an open door, and while wallowing away, I missed it. It could be in those cloudy moments that my child cries out in need for me but I missed it, or my husband needs my listening ears and shoulder to lean upon but I missed it. I saw this today, “to the world you maybe one person, but to one person you may be the world.” In others words when are minds are overtaken by selfish and discontented thoughts we miss opportunities that God has for us, but also opportunities to be there for our families.

We have a choice each day to come against our thoughts of despair, discontentment, and discouragement and choose to think upon the words found in Philippians 4:8. Today I choose thoughts of truth, nobility, purity, loveliness, excellence and praise to the only One who is worthy. If I choose to be content whether in need or want (relating not only to food, clothes or shelter) then I am ever ready for the next chapter God has for me. I am then prepared and ready to step up to the plate when He ask. There will be no missed opportunity when are thoughts are right.

I looked up synonyms for content and my favorite was, “tickled pink.”  You can’t say that out loud and not smile, right? I hope you are tickled pink today.

I look forward to this season passing and stepping into a new one but while here, as hard as it is sometimes, I rest in his peace, draw ever so close to the one who is a friend that never leaves, or forsakes, who gives me strength to press on. 

Choose to be content no matter what this world throws at you today because just around the corner there might be something grand you would have missed.

What have your circumstances taught you? I believe there is a lesson in everything we go through.

Deep Calls Out To Deep

Psalms 42

Are you a hurting mother today? Does your heart ache over your children? Do you want only good things for them? Are you praying they will grow to love Jesus more than they care for their next breath? I am and I do.  I hope this comes at a time where it encourages you. I want you to know you are not alone. As mothers, we tend to hide behind a façade when it comes to our children. What will my friend think if I told her what my daughter or son did last night? She will think I’m a horrible mom.  We keep secrets about our children because we feel they bring shame to us and we become so concerned what others around us will think. We are a loving, blessed Christian family and my children just don’t do certain things and if they do, then no one needs to know.  I’ve been there and yes, I’m still there.

There are things I would never tell another because doesn’t your child’s behavior really reflect you? I had always felt that. I felt my child’s behavior must be something I’ve done or didn’t do. Because they did this then it had to be because I wasn’t doing devotions enough with them, I wasn’t praying enough with or for them. Maybe we aren’t the loving Christian family I thought we were. These are all lies of the enemy. God help us, as mothers, to not believe these lies about us and our children.  John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  John 8:44 “the devil….he is the father of lies.” The enemy knows who I belong to and his greatest joy seems to be confusing my children on who they belong to. 1 John 4:4 “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”

I’m not sure why we hide and try to figure it out alone. 1 John 3:20 “If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything.”  We need one another. We need loved ones and friends to come along side us and pray with us. It is then, when you have an army behind you, that God pours out his power, unleashes the heavens, and does the impossible. May we not hide any longer, but gather our army of prayer warriors and break the chains that so easily entangle our young ones today.

Our kids are the most precious gift God has given us. Psalms 127:3 “Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him.” They are truly His to begin with. I believe with all my heart I have done all I could do and I am doing all I can do. Sometimes that is only being on my knees, unable to speak because my heart is so heavy, tears that cannot seem to stop flowing. Then I see Him, Jesus, my dearest friend, who loves me with unconditional love reaches down and says “Child, I hear your prayers. I love you and I love your little ones. I watch over them day and night. I see their mistakes, their tears, and their struggles. They remember your words that you have spoken to them, they have not forgotten.”  Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

I also believe that as we raise our children that it isn’t necessarily when they are old that will remember how they were brought up or what they were taught but even as they are still growing. I have to believe with all my heart what I have taught my kids is somewhere in their soul, that will ring loud in their heads as they face difficult times.  I pray God bring to remembrance all they’ve learned.  As parents, we certainly want to be the fly on the wall, we want to be there every second of their lives but we can’t. There is a time to let go and trust the Lord more than we’ve ever had to trust Him before. It is really that moment that becomes the hardest. It has been the hardest for me.  It’s in those times when we can’t be there they will for sure stumble and fall. Then, we can come along side them, as their biggest fan, cheering them on to rise again and overcome.

I have to get past what others think, or how they think I’m raising my kids or how I should have raised them. I’m doing the best I can, aren’t we all? We do our best, give them to the Lord, and persevere in prayer for them and never stop loving them.  If you are feeling discouraged as a mother or disappointed in some way, take heart my dear one, there is always someone on your side, gently lifting your head, wiping your tears and saying, I will never leave you or forsake you. You are not alone.

Will stand with me and pray for my children? Will you put your hope in God with me today? I will pray for yours and together we will walk this journey of motherhood chanting Joshua 24:15 "....as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." 

Answered Prayers

“That overwhelming feeling you get when you’ve seen the hand of God at work and no words are adequate enough to express your gratitude, your worship then becomes a speechless moment of awe.”

I’m in the middle of my devotion and prayer time this morning. It’s okay that I’m writing because I asked God if I could pause and express my thankfulness with pen and paper, He said it was fine :-). I certainly do not feel I adequately do so, but here goes once again.

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I am at home right now and not working. A stay at home mom can be a full time job, more so when your kids are younger. My kids, however, are older and in school all day. Therefore, this leaves me with quite bit of time on my hands. Sometimes this can be dangerous for the mind. Yes, this week in particular has been one big roller coaster.

This past Monday I said goodbye to my parents as they headed to the airport to the far away continent of Africa. I have done this countless times…. you know, said goodbye.  Why does it never get easier? This time was probably the hardest. I cannot and will not ever be alone again after they leave.  As I shut the door and turned back into the house, I thought my heart would break in two. I should have taken my husband’s offer of staying home with me! With their leaving, and our constant battle of still trying to settle in here (we moved states 9 months ago), and now complete boredom, I felt doomed.  

 I know much of my feelings rested on our lack of community and church family that normally surrounds us. Moving has been hard, or maybe I should stay settling in has been hard. I know our plans are not always God’s plans. He brings us through circumstances and seasons in order to grow us, and make us dependent on Him.  If our situation was any different we may not have drawn close to Him. If I look at each difficult time in this way, it brings more understanding and the ability to grow from hardship and trials.

The one burden I have been carrying, which in a way, has made everything else seem like mountains. Isn’t that always the case? You get upset over one thing but usually it’s because you are already in turmoil over something else and all other things only exacerbate it.  I have to stop there and thank my husband. I believe God brought a little light to my despair this week through my husband. Thank you Jesus for a godly man in my life who stands with me in prayer.  This burden I carry is still something heavy on my shoulders. I’m not sure why it’s still there and why God hasn’t answered my prayer regarding it. I should say he hasn’t answered the way I want him to answer. I know He’s working and in the end, maybe not till heaven, I will see why he led us through this. 

Here is where I wanted to begin writing, or what caused my urge to express and that is the awe that I found myself in. Over dinner last night we discussed this burden of ours (it’s really the family’s). I have prayed so fervently for our children’s understanding, so much so, that I felt this would be the final straw if it didn’t go well. Can you believe that while our discussion went on and we got through it, I never once thought to thank the Lord. I didn’t even think…Hello!! This is something I’ve prayed for and God has answered clearly!  It couldn’t have gone better and the relief I felt was immense. The fog of the week seems to have lifted and once again I felt motivated to keep going.  I love God’s “pick me ups”. Red Bull has nothing on God!  And so, it closes another chapter.  The story is not over, by any means, and once again we are on a search for what God has for us.  It reminds me of 2 Corinthians 4:8-9; “We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.” Yep, that about sums it up. So here I stand, undefeated, with more power to go forward in what God has for us.

I read a post the other day about waiting. Waiting is hard, especially when your deep desire is to serve God with such overwhelming passion, and nothing seems to be at your doorstep. I have to stop here and say that there is something at my doorstep. It may not be what I have envisioned but for today, it’s what God has laid there, for me to minister to and show Christ’s love. This, my friends, is my family. Sharing family devotions last night and talking about church and where God wants us, praying together, seeing God answer, it was priceless.

My prayer and encouragement for you is several areas. I pray you are able to see and hear from the Lord the answer to a prayer that is burdening your heart today. He is here, he hears, he listens and most of all he loves. He loves us with unconditional love. He loves your children too and be encouraged, he hears your prayers for them. May you also remember that you are Christ’s servant in whatever you are doing in this season of life. Whatever God has placed at your doorstep, may you serve as if you were serving Christ himself and then be willing to follow wherever He leads.  

I have loved you with an everlasting love

My daughter is at the forefront of my thoughts today, as she usually is. Our children are never far from our thoughts. In my prayer time this morning I was given this passage and I rewrote for my beautiful daughter. My prayer is for her to  realize what a wonderful, beautiful, talented, gifted, tenacious, confident, tender and sweet young lady she is and that she has captured my heart forever. I feel my love so strong for her that it's hard to imagine that God can and does love her more.

Psalms 119:13-18

For you created my daughter's in most being, you knit my daughter together in my womb.
She praises you because she is fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful.
My daughter knows that full well.
Her frame was not hidden from you.
When she was made in that secret place. When she was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my daughter's unformed body. All the days ordained for my daughter were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious are your thoughts of her, oh God!
How vast are the sum of them! Were she to count them, they would outnumber the grains of said.
When she is awake, she is still with you.

I love you from the depths of heart my precious daughter. -Mom, Dad  and God

When life's a little fuzzy

Sometimes we only see a snapshot of our life. We see a polaroid here and a polaroid there. In those snapshots the background may seem a bit fuzzy. It can be hard to make out where it was taken, who that is standing behind you, or where that strange chair came from that your loved one is sitting in.  A snapshot captures a moment, a frame of our lives that we may not fully understand. We may squint our eyes and stare the photo down, trying to grasp the full picture. All the while, God says, "trust me, my child." "Trust in the Lord." Psalms 37:3. I hear Him say, "You have a snapshot but dear one I have the whole photo album and it's clear to me as a bright sunny day." God knows, God sees, and God holds each moment in his hands. He reassures us when he was speaking to Joshua through Moses in Deut  31:8, "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you or nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do  not be discouraged." He wants us to trust him. I love Psalms 125:1. "Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion which cannot be shaken but endures forever." As I sit here today reaffirming my trust in the Lord, in the midst of something I never dreamed would be apart of my life, I recall the song sang by Natalie Grant "I will not be moved." That's right, I will not be moved nor shaken. In the Message it says in Col 1:23 I will "stay grounded and steady in the bond of trust." I'm thankful God is giving me the ability to trust him even though I only see the snapshot today. I'm holding on with all my might, grounded and firm.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

God is holding you in his hands and I'm holding you in my  heart.

Sometimes in life, ok many times in life, we go through situations and circumstances that we don't always fully understand. I know God always has a plan and He holds each of my family members in His hand. He is God, of course and He is sovereign. To some, accepting God is in control of everything does not always come easy. To me, it is a comfort. It's a comfort to know God creates all things, he holds all things in the palm of his hand but He also takes away, allows trials and pain. Through it all He never leaves us or forsakes us. He wraps his arms around us and holds us closer than ever before.
Eric and I traveled a road this past week that had never been traveled by us before. It was very painful and hard. On Wednesday last week we had a positive pregnancy test! Shocker, I know! Surprise! We weren't even sure what to do with that news. We kept to ourselves that night as we barely slept talking over what all was in store. Wow! Another baby! Really? At our age? Ok, we aren't that old but still! There was laughter and there were tears.
I couldn't remember too many symptoms with my past two children but I was pretty sure cramping wasn't one of them but as I read a little I saw it could be normal. I was also spotting a little too. By the  next morning I was very worried and so I told my mom who had seen a GYN earlier and recommended her. I called and was able to get in Friday. I couldn't figure out if something was truly going wrong or if it was my nerves!! I was so nervous and anxious!! It seem Friday would never come. And then it came too fast. The doctor's words, "a highly likely abnormal pregnancy.  We can't seem to find the baby on the ultrasound." It could be ectopic or possible uterine miscarriage. Our hearts sank. It seemed we barely had enough time to soak in what was going on. It became more painful and more bleeding as the day went on. Saturday night I was in the ER with severe pain. For those few who knew and were praying, God was there. Thankfully, I did not have an ectopic but was in the  midst of a miscarriage. With not having much time to wrap our minds around the word "baby", it was my life that was of most worry. I felt sorry for Eric, mom, dad, and the kids as I knew they were worried and concerned. I was in good hands though. The doctor was wonderful and God was carrying me every step. I had told the Lord, no matter, no matter, I love you. His peace has been overwhelming. We must know God has His best for us and for this one who will never blossom here on earth but is blossoming in heaven. Many of you, I know, have been through this and can understand. Now I too, can understand and I tell myself and trust God that all things...ALL things work together for the good of those who love Him. Oh how I love Him!